


Don't Use The Word 'Forever'

by secondsofhappiness



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:51:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9227684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondsofhappiness/pseuds/secondsofhappiness
Summary: "You ok?" Robert asks and Aaron nods because he is. He should be. He has to be."I'm fine. I'm great," he tries, forcing a smile and it must work because Robert's nodding, grinning, fucking sparkling with life and Aaron forces his fingernails into the soft wool of his sweater and holds tight.-------Set after/and kind of during the 6/1/16 episode. Aaron and Robert leave for Manchester and Aaron struggles a little.





	

Robert's walking around like he owns the place, whistling as he throws a can of deodorant in his bag and nods, zipping it up with a flourish and turning his eyes to Aaron, catching him staring.

Aaron feels the look down to his toes, skin flushing hot as he forces a smile. 

Robert grins back at him, all lit up and Aaron pulls at his sleeve, making a fist around the fabric, thumb running hard against the hem.

"You ready?" Robert asks, suddenly beside him and nudging Aaron's arm with his elbow, the same elbow that's sporting a suede patch. Something warm tugs in Aaron's stomach and he lets himself smile, tries to cling to the feeling so hard that he feels a clawing from the inside.

"Yeah, come on," he says and Robert grins again, all blonde hair and tweed and Aaron loves him. Its a desperate feeling he can't shake; he can feel himself drowning but he takes a breath and follows Robert down the stairs, watches him swinging his ridiculous leather bag and swallows hard.

\------

They're taking Robert's Porsche, Aaron watching as Robert pops the boot and drops their bags in, clicking it shut with a swing of his keys.

It's the perfect mix of bright and biting cold outside and Aaron stuff his hands deep into his pockets. 

"Chariot awaits," Robert says once he's done, before ducking into the driver's seat. With a fond roll of his eyes, Aaron slides into the passenger seat and watches as Robert toys with the radio, the sunlight doing amazing things to his hair, just drawing far too much attention to his jawline and Aaron can't help but stare because it's unfair - Robert hardly needs the publicity. He's familiar and brand new all at once, so opposite to Aaron in so many ways yet so comfortable despite and possibly because of the hell they've endured together. He's infuriating and insufferable but he's also real and overwhelming in ways no other guy has ever been. It's all so raw and deep and it feels almost perfect but none of that makes sense. Perfect doesn't exist. Perfect doesn't last. Perfect means it's breakable and there's too far to fall. Panic tightens as a knot in Aaron's stomach, thoughts tangling and -

He can't let this all go, can't mess up something that means so much. With his sleeve crumpled in his fist, heart hammering and throat thick with tears he turns to stare out of the window. Bob's walking across the road hand in hand with the twins and David's putting fresh flowers out in front of the shop. It's a normal day and somehow it feels fragile.

The soft sounds of smooth jazz fades in on the radio and Aaron can hear the tap of Robert's finger on his phone. He's setting the Sat Nav as he always does once the music is on. It's familiar and for a moment he focuses on the sounds of saxophones.

They have two rules about the Porsche and Aaron hates them both. He's not too much of a boy racer to drive it and his music taste is absolutely fine. Robert's is iffy at best with some obsession with pretentious easy jazz for long distance, old eighties and nineties tunes for when they both need cheering up and cheesy pop for when Liv's around that Aaron knows is just there to piss her off.

As the engine rumbles to life, Aaron closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He can do it. It's a weekend away with Robert. It's a big comfortable bed and an on-site spa which had filled Robert's eyes with delight when he told him. It was last minute and booked under circumstances he can't quite forgive himself for, a niggling in the pit of his stomach that he knows won't budge until the weekend is over but Aaron turns towards Robert and watches him ease the car out of its parking spot looking ever the handsome romantic lead and he wants to cry.

He can't stop it taking over, can't tell his brain to pack it in, can't turn off his thoughts or stop the worry twisting inside. If he could it'd be the first thing he'd do so that he could breathe out and relax and watch the world go by beside the man he loves.

It isn't that easy. Nothing ever is.

The car slows then and Aaron blinks, zoning back into the car. Robert's eyes are on him, his brow furrowed and Aaron feels the guilt flood in.

"You ok?" Robert asks and Aaron nods because he is. He should be. He has to be.

"I'm fine. I'm great," he tries, forcing a smile and it must work because Robert's nodding, grinning, fucking sparkling with life and Aaron forces his fingernails into the soft wool of his sweater and holds tight. 

"Ok then, Manc Land here we come," Robert sings and Aaron huffs out a laugh that feels almost painful, his cheeks trembling from the effort of composure. "I reckon we might get there earlier than we expected so I thought we could grab some lunch down the docks."

"Sounds great."

Robert hums and reaches across from the gear stick to tangle his fingers with Aaron's, squeezing tight before changing gear and setting off up the hill. It's gentle and firm all at once and Aaron's chest tightens.

"Wish I'd grabbed some snacks on the way out because I did have a pack of Rolos in here the other day but I ate them all so I could give my last one to some guy I love so I guess we're going hungry till we get there."

Robert's smirking at his own joke and Aaron's falling apart but those words knit something together inside of him and he smiles, this time meaning it.

"Where did I find you, eh?" he says, because his fiancé is nowhere near as smooth as he'd have people think. Robert is ridiculous but is every bit as amazing as Aaron's heart tells him he is, hammering away in his chest and reminding him to keep going. 

Messed up and forever.

Messed up.

And forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I love them both so much - separately and together - and the mess is why we love them but oh my is my heart breaking. 
> 
> I can never resist writing Aaron's inner monologue because I feel like I get how he's feeling right now a little too much! 
> 
> Don't listen to James Blake - 'Forever' when reading this if you don't want to cry. That song is heaven and heartbreak and perfect, I feel, for accompanying how their storyline feels right now.
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)


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